Anxiety & Panic attacks

(warning…rambling processing going on…)
Well, I’ve never considered myself an anxiety-ridden person. And I definitely would not claim to have experienced a full on panic attack. Yet, in talking with my good friend Tiffani lately I seem to be expressing moments of anxiety, panic that have gripped me…and those moments seem to be more frequent. I wonder if maybe I am just acknowledging these moments for what they are, or if I have become a more anxious person?

It comes upon me in situations where I don’t have control, when there is fear of the unknown & I question my ability/skills or worthiness. In the past I most experienced the chest constricting and trembling in anticipation of large social situations. Yes, a wallflower I have been known to be…surprising I’m sure! :)

Today I feel anxiety coming on as I consider heading to a friend’s party – a new friend that I don’t know well & whose friends I also have no clue about. Why social anxiety? What is there to fear? I try to rationalize it away. I try to walk myself through the situation in preparation & to figure out what exactly it is that creates fear. Tonight I fear being unknown & not wanted to be known. Are the fears grounded? Is there any reason to think I would be outcast, frowned upon for coming or unwanted? Not at all! Then, where must these thoughts be coming from? There’s nothing in them of truth & to edify. If I was trying to figure out whether I should go because I have other things to do or if I had work tomorrow & needed some alone time I could see the issue. Yet here I am, with no good excuse except if I didn’t want to go. But I do want to go! Why do I have to consider/analyze so much?

We are all just fending for ourselves, aren’t we? As much as I hate to admit it, I dwell on myself & miss out on the relational connections around me. How are we so easily deceived? If someone is truly so shallow as to judge me as I fear, what do I care? That judgement would only be coming out of their fears & insecurities – so unfounded & not to be trembled at! Why can’t I take that to heart?

So, I pray. Paul says in Phillipians to not be anxious about anything, but with thanksgiving present your requests to God - that God will grant peace to guard your heart and mind. So, I keep praying. Because though God may grant that peace, I don't always receive it! And it never hurts to stay in communication with the Creator, I don't think. He's probably the best to know how to deal with the situations I'm in!