"Why is the world hungry when God's people have bread? Are bread? ...what is there more to be in this life than to reflect Christ -- than to show what He is like. Than to be bread for another man?" ~Ann Voskamp
Friday, February 29, 2008
Oh, by the way...
Juicy information (Gross blog)
Happy Leap Year Day!
We don’t get to celebrate this day very often – what fun things do you have planned?
It’s been a few weeks & I keep pondering what I should update on here. Life isn’t terribly exciting right now. I’m still in
I’m learning the lay of the city better now, got a good idea of where the best coffee shops are in town! I’ve driven around a few times, but the traffic is quite intimidating. I think I’ve mentioned this before, but there really aren’t any laws. You go when you want to go and maybe you yield for someone else, but mostly its just in time to not get hit by the other car. Really, if you’re not aggressive here, you won’t get anywhere! If you stop and wait for the line of cars to go by in order to turn onto a road, the guy behind you will whip around you & make his own way into the stream of traffic. Not sure how I will manage to curb this survival of the fittest mentality when I hit the
I’ve received some fun mail while I’ve been down here – thanks to Mom & Dad, Ryan & Maddy, Pam, Janice, Judy, Fran & Rachel! Those little treats & notes from people are both nice surprises and encouraging to me.
The internet is not cooperating much right now for pictures, so I’ll add some more later – bye for now!
Sunday, February 10, 2008
Topsy-turvy ways
And I’m feeling the most weak and broken as ever, like there is nothing I have to offer. Perhaps God might be most honored even now? Even now when I often feel so alone and helpless? And still there is a natural inclination for me to dwell within myself, that because of this state I’m in to have an excuse not to know the people around me, to not see them, to not serve them. Yet God says he chooses those who are foolish and weak to do his work – funny, isn’t it? But I find there is no other choice for me, because the full life I experience with God, even in hard times, is so much greater than life without God. I definitely wouldn’t have survived so long over here without daily clinging to the grace of God. Here are a few verses that have always encouraged me that trusting God is always better than trusting myself – He’s just a bit bigger and in control than I am:
For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, declares the Lord. As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts.
By wisdom the Lord laid the earth’s foundations, by understanding he set the heavens in place; by his knowledge the deeps were divided, and the clouds let drop the dew.
(ps – I’m in Kampala for the week, taking a rest and using the time to ponder what’s been going on with me. Please don’t read these posts to mean I’m about to lose it…I’m struggling, but I’ll make it through. Your prayers are very appreciated as always.)
Sunday, January 27, 2008
The Jordan is waiting...
Ok, so the story then goes on that the Israelites were found to be in a desert on the other side and they have some miles to travel before they reach this land that God promised them. Unfortunately along the way they are not faithful to God – they decide to do things their own way and get very angry with God for taking them away from a land where at least they had water, meat, daily necessities. So God provides meat, water, all that they need, but of course it is still difficult to live in the desert. When they finally reach the land they are to enter, their scouts come back to say, in essence, that this land is full of giants and there is no way they will survive if they try to inhabit the land. God has already proved himself faithful to these people, yet they continually doubt his provision & plan. So at this point, he’s fed up and tells them they will have to stay in the desert another 40 years before they can enter this promised land.
Before I left for Uganda, the next part of this story kept coming up in my life – I was reading this passage, someone else brought it up, there were just many instances where this came to be an important story for me to listen to a bit. But I couldn’t quite understand the significance – am I entering my promised land? Sure, I’ve been waiting awhile to go overseas & this is finally arrived…but I wasn’t convinced this was the point. Wish I had something more profound to relay about this experience, but my point is just that it was on my mind & heart before I left.
I’m telling you all of this to bring you to today. I’ve been struggling here in Kaabong. There’s something going on in me that I don’t understand and am having a hard time dealing with. Mostly my emotions are crazily out of whack, often leaning towards a very despairing feeling, and I feel like most days I’m just trying to deal with myself let alone face and interact with the challenges of living and working here. It feels like a battle is being waged inside of me and I can’t really get a grip on which side is winning right now (pray that it is the good side!). I have a lot of support and am going to make it through this, but the reality is that I am not experiencing what I had expected to in being here. I thought my struggles would be with the poverty surrounding me and the issues of health, war, natural disasters and how we can truly aid those who are in distress. Those issues are all present, but my heart is very engrossed in helping me to survive. I was hoping to thrive here. There are moments that I feel that way, but moments don’t seem to be enough right now.
This afternoon I was pondering all of this, letting myself just gush with God about what is going on inside of me. Why am I here to deal with myself? I thought I was here to help others. People keep talking about being refined & that just sucks, to be honest. I know it is necessary, but it hurts & I don’t enjoy it. I was listening to some music & one song mentioned going through a desert place – huh, that’s what it feels like right now. I’m in a dry valley that is tough…and though I know it is silly because God is God & He does what He knows best, I sit there and ‘shake my fists’ at God, asking why me? Why here? Why now, when friends & family are so far away? Life back in Denver was so much better, why did you bring me here?
And then I saw it – I’m just like the Israelites…God has been so faithful, never leaving me or forsaking me. But here I am, so frustrated with where I am. Did I want to come, absolutely? So here I am & He is still faithful…do I trust Him to take me through the Jordan to the promised land? I’m not comparing my next phase of life to a land of milk & honey, but just that maybe it will be a place of rest, a place of hope – a place quite other than where I am now. The answer to that question is: sometimes. And that’s the best I can do right now. But today I confess that I am a frustrated child, just wanting the journey to be over and to be on the other side – missing what was behind and longing for what is before, but not really wanting to deal with the now in order to move forward!
Here’s a great song that really depicts how I’m feeling:
Painting Pictures of Egypt by Sara Groves
I don’t want to leave here
I don’t want to stay
It feels like pinching to me either way
The places I long for the most
Are the places where I’ve been
They are calling after me like a long lost friend
It’s not about losing faith
It’s not about trust
It’s all about comfortable
When you move so much
The place I was wasn’t perfect
But I had found a way to live
It wasn’t milk or honey
But then neither is this
CHORUS: I’ve been painting pictures of Egypt
Leaving out what it lacked
The future seems so hard
And I want to go back
But the places that used to fit me
Cannot hold the things I’ve learned
And those roads closed off to me
While my back was turned
The past is so tangible I know it by heart
Familiar things are never easy to discard
I was dying for some freedom
But now I hesitate to go
Caught between the promise
And the things I know
BRIDGE: If it comes too quick I may not recognize it
Is that the reason behind all this time and sand?
If it comes too quick I may not appreciate it
Is that the reason behind all this time and sand?
Sunday, January 20, 2008
Random pics 1
Tuesday, January 15, 2008
South Africa vacation
For anyone looking for an amazing once in a lifetime kind of trip, this place is probably one of my favorite places ever to travel. It feels a bit like California with an African twist and has so much to do and see!
sunset over the ocean from top of Table Mountain
Constance & I on Table Mountain
C & I on New Year's Eve
Monday, December 24, 2007
Merry Christmas!!!
May your Christmas holiday be full of joy and peace - that Christ's love entering the world and the hope of that Love still to come will bring to you the full life that is promised.
Two of my favorite Christmas songs:
O come, O come, Emmanuel
And ransom captive Israel
That mourns in lonely exile here
Until the Son of God appear
Rejoice! Rejoice! Emmanuel
Shall come to thee, O Israel.
O come, Thou Rod of Jesse, free
Thine own from Satan's tyranny
From depths of Hell Thy people save
And give them victory o'er the grave
Rejoice! Rejoice! Emmanuel
Shall come to thee, O Israel.
O come, Thou Day-Spring, come and cheer
Our spirits by Thine advent here
Disperse the gloomy clouds of night
And death's dark shadows put to flight.
Rejoice! Rejoice! Emmanuel
Shall come to thee, O Israel.
O come, Thou Key of David, come,
And open wide our heavenly home;
Make safe the way that leads on high,
And close the path to misery.
Rejoice! Rejoice! Emmanuel
Shall come to thee, O Israel.
O holy night! The stars are brightly shining,
It is the night of the dear Saviour's birth.
Long lay the world in sin and error pining.
Till He appeared and the Soul felt its worth.
A thrill of hope the weary world rejoices,
For yonder breaks a new and glorious morn.
Fall on your knees! Oh, hear the angel voices!
O night divine, the night when Christ was born;
O night, O holy night, O night divine!
O night, O holy night, O night divine!
Led by the light of faith serenely beaming,
With glowing hearts by His cradle we stand.
O'er the world a star is sweetly gleaming,
Now come the wisemen from out of the Orient land.
The King of kings lay thus lowly manger;
In all our trials born to be our friends.
He knows our need, our weakness is no stranger,
Behold your King! Before him lowly bend!
Behold your King! Before him lowly bend!
Truly He taught us to love one another,
His law is love and His gospel is peace.
Chains he shall break, for the slave is our brother.
And in his name all oppression shall cease.
Sweet hymns of joy in grateful chorus raise we,
With all our hearts we praise His holy name.
Christ is the Lord! Then ever, ever praise we,
His power and glory ever more proclaim!
His power and glory ever more proclaim!
Blessings to you all!