Topsy-turvy ways

My friend Trace here calls the way Jesus interacts with the world as topsy-turvy. If you read the stories of Jesus, he is always coming at a situation in a very different way than we would, or let me not assume for you, but than I would. He sees situations with an obviously divine perspective, but if you consider the fact that he is trying to model how we should interact with the world, it is quite shocking. Some examples – you should strive to be the servant of everyone, the humble (meek) are blessed and will inherit the earth, when slapped give the person the other cheek to slap again. There are tons more, but the bottom line is that his view on living this life on earth is about thinking of others first. Its about living for all instead of living for me. Its about striving to bring honor to God by honoring what he has created. What is the world we live in every day about? Its about success, about survival of the fittest, about climbing the ladder of wealth and prosperity. It’s the same here in Uganda: there are status-mongers at every turn, the more money you get the more you want, use the people around you to create the world you desire…

And I’m feeling the most weak and broken as ever, like there is nothing I have to offer. Perhaps God might be most honored even now? Even now when I often feel so alone and helpless? And still there is a natural inclination for me to dwell within myself, that because of this state I’m in to have an excuse not to know the people around me, to not see them, to not serve them. Yet God says he chooses those who are foolish and weak to do his work – funny, isn’t it? But I find there is no other choice for me, because the full life I experience with God, even in hard times, is so much greater than life without God. I definitely wouldn’t have survived so long over here without daily clinging to the grace of God. Here are a few verses that have always encouraged me that trusting God is always better than trusting myself – He’s just a bit bigger and in control than I am:

For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, declares the Lord. As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts.

By wisdom the Lord laid the earth’s foundations, by understanding he set the heavens in place; by his knowledge the deeps were divided, and the clouds let drop the dew.

(ps – I’m in Kampala for the week, taking a rest and using the time to ponder what’s been going on with me. Please don’t read these posts to mean I’m about to lose it…I’m struggling, but I’ll make it through. Your prayers are very appreciated as always.)

The Jordan is waiting...

Most people have seen the Prince of Egypt, right? If not, it’s an animated movie about Moses leading the Israelites out of Egypt. The story is from the Old Testament – The Israelites, also called Hebrews, have been in slavery for over 400 years. This is when Moses enters the scene & is called by God to lead his people out of this land and into another land that he promised would be theirs to their patriarch, Abraham, many centuries earlier. The movie ends (or so I remember) at the crossing of the Red Sea, where God shows up to part the sea so that the Hebrews walk through on dry land to escape the Egyptian army who were following close behind.

Ok, so the story then goes on that the Israelites were found to be in a desert on the other side and they have some miles to travel before they reach this land that God promised them. Unfortunately along the way they are not faithful to God – they decide to do things their own way and get very angry with God for taking them away from a land where at least they had water, meat, daily necessities. So God provides meat, water, all that they need, but of course it is still difficult to live in the desert. When they finally reach the land they are to enter, their scouts come back to say, in essence, that this land is full of giants and there is no way they will survive if they try to inhabit the land. God has already proved himself faithful to these people, yet they continually doubt his provision & plan. So at this point, he’s fed up and tells them they will have to stay in the desert another 40 years before they can enter this promised land.

Before I left for Uganda, the next part of this story kept coming up in my life – I was reading this passage, someone else brought it up, there were just many instances where this came to be an important story for me to listen to a bit. But I couldn’t quite understand the significance – am I entering my promised land? Sure, I’ve been waiting awhile to go overseas & this is finally arrived…but I wasn’t convinced this was the point. Wish I had something more profound to relay about this experience, but my point is just that it was on my mind & heart before I left.

I’m telling you all of this to bring you to today. I’ve been struggling here in Kaabong. There’s something going on in me that I don’t understand and am having a hard time dealing with. Mostly my emotions are crazily out of whack, often leaning towards a very despairing feeling, and I feel like most days I’m just trying to deal with myself let alone face and interact with the challenges of living and working here. It feels like a battle is being waged inside of me and I can’t really get a grip on which side is winning right now (pray that it is the good side!). I have a lot of support and am going to make it through this, but the reality is that I am not experiencing what I had expected to in being here. I thought my struggles would be with the poverty surrounding me and the issues of health, war, natural disasters and how we can truly aid those who are in distress. Those issues are all present, but my heart is very engrossed in helping me to survive. I was hoping to thrive here. There are moments that I feel that way, but moments don’t seem to be enough right now.

This afternoon I was pondering all of this, letting myself just gush with God about what is going on inside of me. Why am I here to deal with myself? I thought I was here to help others. People keep talking about being refined & that just sucks, to be honest. I know it is necessary, but it hurts & I don’t enjoy it. I was listening to some music & one song mentioned going through a desert place – huh, that’s what it feels like right now. I’m in a dry valley that is tough…and though I know it is silly because God is God & He does what He knows best, I sit there and ‘shake my fists’ at God, asking why me? Why here? Why now, when friends & family are so far away? Life back in Denver was so much better, why did you bring me here?

And then I saw it – I’m just like the Israelites…God has been so faithful, never leaving me or forsaking me. But here I am, so frustrated with where I am. Did I want to come, absolutely? So here I am & He is still faithful…do I trust Him to take me through the Jordan to the promised land? I’m not comparing my next phase of life to a land of milk & honey, but just that maybe it will be a place of rest, a place of hope – a place quite other than where I am now. The answer to that question is: sometimes. And that’s the best I can do right now. But today I confess that I am a frustrated child, just wanting the journey to be over and to be on the other side – missing what was behind and longing for what is before, but not really wanting to deal with the now in order to move forward!

Here’s a great song that really depicts how I’m feeling:

Painting Pictures of Egypt by Sara Groves
I don’t want to leave here
I don’t want to stay
It feels like pinching to me either way
The places I long for the most
Are the places where I’ve been
They are calling after me like a long lost friend

It’s not about losing faith
It’s not about trust
It’s all about comfortable
When you move so much
The place I was wasn’t perfect
But I had found a way to live
It wasn’t milk or honey
But then neither is this

CHORUS: I’ve been painting pictures of Egypt
Leaving out what it lacked
The future seems so hard
And I want to go back
But the places that used to fit me
Cannot hold the things I’ve learned
And those roads closed off to me
While my back was turned

The past is so tangible I know it by heart
Familiar things are never easy to discard
I was dying for some freedom
But now I hesitate to go
Caught between the promise
And the things I know

BRIDGE: If it comes too quick I may not recognize it
Is that the reason behind all this time and sand?
If it comes too quick I may not appreciate it
Is that the reason behind all this time and sand?

Random pics 1

Some random pictures from Kaabong...

Karamajong ladies carrying their firewood into town

a lovely visitor in my tukel...

this lizard has some pretty colors...

brick making - big projects at this time of year (dry season) since there's a lot of sunshine to dry the bricks

South Africa vacation

Unfortunately the states were a bit too far for me to come for Christmas this year, so instead I made arrangements to meet my great friend Constance from Denver in Cape Town, South Africa. It was an amazing trip (aside from some interestingly awful travel experiences from Uganda) that was so needed for me. We spent lots of time enjoying the beautifully diverse land there, hoping to see whales in the ocean (which we didn’t…just have to go back again!), and having a blast. Our friend Wayne joined us about a week in & we all took in the Cape Town sights and great seafood together.

For anyone looking for an amazing once in a lifetime kind of trip, this place is probably one of my favorite places ever to travel. It feels a bit like California with an African twist and has so much to do and see!

Franschoek

sunset over the ocean from top of Table Mountain

Constance & I on Table Mountain

Constance, Wayne & I at Cape Point

Hanging out :)

The souternmost tip of Africa!

just a taste of the breathtaking coastline of False Bay

these guys live on Boulder Beach and are called Jackass Penguins - so cute!

C & I on New Year's Eve

Merry Christmas!!!

No Christmas cards from this continent this year, I'm afraid! Just wanted to send out Christmas and New Years greetings to all who may grace this page with their friendly eyes. Know that if I know you, you are dearly missed and if I don't know you I hope our paths may cross in the coming year!

May your Christmas holiday be full of joy and peace - that Christ's love entering the world and the hope of that Love still to come will bring to you the full life that is promised.

Two of my favorite Christmas songs:

O come, O come, Emmanuel
And ransom captive Israel
That mourns in lonely exile here
Until the Son of God appear
Rejoice! Rejoice! Emmanuel
Shall come to thee, O Israel.

O come, Thou Rod of Jesse, free
Thine own from Satan's tyranny
From depths of Hell Thy people save
And give them victory o'er the grave
Rejoice! Rejoice! Emmanuel
Shall come to thee, O Israel.

O come, Thou Day-Spring, come and cheer
Our spirits by Thine advent here
Disperse the gloomy clouds of night
And death's dark shadows put to flight.
Rejoice! Rejoice! Emmanuel
Shall come to thee, O Israel.

O come, Thou Key of David, come,
And open wide our heavenly home;
Make safe the way that leads on high,
And close the path to misery.
Rejoice! Rejoice! Emmanuel
Shall come to thee, O Israel.


O holy night! The stars are brightly shining,
It is the night of the dear Saviour's birth.
Long lay the world in sin and error pining.
Till He appeared and the Soul felt its worth.
A thrill of hope the weary world rejoices,
For yonder breaks a new and glorious morn.
Fall on your knees! Oh, hear the angel voices!
O night divine, the night when Christ was born;
O night, O holy night, O night divine!
O night, O holy night, O night divine!

Led by the light of faith serenely beaming,
With glowing hearts by His cradle we stand.
O'er the world a star is sweetly gleaming,
Now come the wisemen from out of the Orient land.
The King of kings lay thus lowly manger;
In all our trials born to be our friends.
He knows our need, our weakness is no stranger,
Behold your King! Before him lowly bend!
Behold your King! Before him lowly bend!

Truly He taught us to love one another,
His law is love and His gospel is peace.
Chains he shall break, for the slave is our brother.
And in his name all oppression shall cease.
Sweet hymns of joy in grateful chorus raise we,
With all our hearts we praise His holy name.
Christ is the Lord! Then ever, ever praise we,
His power and glory ever more proclaim!
His power and glory ever more proclaim!

Blessings to you all!

My neighborhood

This evening after work I took a walk & much to my surprise, it was a peaceful and serene event. The neighbors are getting used to me now. The ladies across the road from Medair seem more cordial, especially after I gave one of them a ride to the hospital a few weeks ago when she was too ill to walk. They wave & greet me, I smile & greet back. The children come running to shake my hand or just yell at the top of their lungs from wherever they are, “Mzungu!” and “Byebye”. Again, I smile & wave. I met one man along the way that does some work with Medair and found out he lives just around the corner from us. He asked where I was headed & my answer is typical to the culture here, “just to that rock there, on that side” as I point to my destination in the distance. Then I head on, with a few little ones probably no older than 2 years in tow as they can’t seem to unglue themselves from my hands. A bit further & they are called back home by someone. So I continue on my own, marveling at the beauty of Kaabong – boulders and rocks sprouting out of the earth randomly, huge cactus-trees, and an amazing sunset towards the west against the silhouette of many more mountains and rocks. I greet a friend, Christine, who helps us with some washing and cleaning a few days a week at our base – its good to see some familiar faces while I’m out and about. Another few minutes and I hear this distant shouting, “sister, how are you?” and two teenagers emerge from some gardens about 100meters away. “Where are you going?” they ask in really good English. I tell them I am walking to the rocks there & point that direction as I continue to walk – they say they will come too. So I tell them I will walk a bit slower, but they will need to walk a bit faster to catch up with me! They quicken their pace & in a few minutes we walk on together. Greeting them I find out they are sisters, Margaret & Joyce – 14 & 15 years respectively. They are in P6 class at the Pajar primary school just down the road from Medair. They have just come from their garden & were headed home. I ask them a bit more about themselves, but they seem content to just walk & not talk much – so we walk on in silence for about 20 minutes. Its nice to not be alone. Even nicer – when we turned around & came back to where they joined me to begin with, they said goodnight and headed home. That was it. Why is that so nice? Because almost every single person I meet here asks me for something. They want 100shillings or food or my shirt or my bag or my shoes…and they usually don’t just ask, they beg and demand. A normal phrase here is “You give me ….” Fill in the blank! Even the little ones who know just a bit of English can spit out “HowareyouI’mfinegivemeonehundred”. It’s exhausting…and I feel like a resource not a person. Yeah, so I was really grateful to take a quiet walk with some kind girls who wanted nothing from me – they walked away without a word other than goodnight. On my way back at the house of the man I mentioned earlier a crowd was gathering & some girls had some long vine-like branches tied together to make a jumprope. They had stopped for the moment, but when I showed interest they got very excited and wanted to show off their skills, so I stayed for a bit & then jumped in for a few rounds. The ladies thought it was the greatest thing – and still, no requests of me. I just got to be me and enjoy the company of the people here.

That was my evening walk, wish you could have been there too!

Holiday with friends

Sorry my posts have been delayed lately. I had some friends in the country over the past month & have enjoyed spending time with them. Here are some highlights:

The hippest new (read: only) coffee shop in Gulu, Uganda – the Kope Café. Opened by folks working with Invisible Children to raise money for a program to provide fun activities like dance and music to children in need. The place is beautiful, all the walls are muraled as you can see here. They took the verses from Ecclesiastes (some may quote instead from the famous Beatles tune as well) a time for … and a time for … and made banners along the whole wall. The kids chose pictures to depict each season mentioned – it is a powerful display! Plus the coffee is great and the people are really kind. Tif & I spent a few afternoons here sipping lattes and wondering if we were really still in Africa…

Ah, my good friend Brandi – only had a few precious days with her, but it was so wonderful! Glad we got to share a room & catch up from under our tents!

We spent Thanksgiving with some American & Ugandan friends while in Kampala. Here is Patrick, Tif, me, Julie, Alyssa, & Emma. Patrick, Julie & Emma all work with Come, Let’s Dance. It was so fun to celebrate Thanksgiving and enjoy a fabulous spread of American-ish dishes! Julie & Shane did an amazing job of making us feel like we were truly in the states and with family. This picture was taken a few days later off of Lake Victoria in Jinja. This is the source of the Nile River.

Some of Ghandi’s ashes were spread at the source of the Nile here, so there is a shrine. I don’t really think it fits with who Ghandi was or what he stood for – think it looks more like a shrine to the marble-tile god. If I were in charge, there would be many flowers, maybe a fountain, and a place to sit & ponder or meditate on peace and non-violence. But alas, they didn’t ask me my opinion before throwing a ton of money into this piece of work…

Another view of the source

Jared & I were thrilled to find a great coffee place in Jinja – yay for foam!!!



Tif, Alyssa, & I spent a few days hanging out in Jinja after the others left. What a relaxing few days we had. Here we are at Bujagali falls just about 6 km down from the source of the Nile. We could have rafted the Nile, but decided to not risk life & limb on that adventure. We settled for a very peaceful sunset canoe ride at the source instead – we were quite content with that option! These ladies brought me so much joy! I miss them so much already!