Pondering Mzungu life & the call to humility…

Today I went for a walk by myself. Side-note: no danger here, middle of the day, lots of people all around, in a good part of town just in case anyone was concerned... And along that walk some feelings were stirred in me that I remember now are fairly common when living over here. Being white, or as they say in Swahili: Mzungu, makes you stick out over here. Not only do you stick out by color, but it deems you rich and privileged (which is often very true, but creates quite a negative divide that is insufferable some days). Not only do you never blend in, but most of the time you struggle with wondering why someone wants to know you….is it because they truly want to be your friend, or is it just to get something from you who has so much.

The feelings – one moment it is a feeling of being used & disrespected, such as when the boda drivers make noises to see if you’ll turn and look their way…remind anyone of junior high boys? Other times it is feeling very little and insignificant, like when everyone around you speaks in a language you don’t know and then laughs and points at you. I know many of you can relate to this, whether you’ve experienced it in the midst of another culture or even in your own town. Its not limited to cross-cultural experiences. I just happened to realize today how much it affected me…

The effect of these feelings I noticed is an automatic desire in me to prove myself or somehow make it clear that I am not below the other person, cannot be used by them and actually am above them. Wow…completely convicting. How do you choose to respond when others degrade, violate, or simply puff themselves up at the expense of you? Today I chose to ignore and yet sometimes that feels like I’m de-humanizing people by not acknowledging them. But do they deserve acknowledgment if they’re acting this way? And what is this need to puff myself up in response too? Why in the world do I need to prove myself & cut someone else down?

I think it’s the survival technique of this world – if we can prove ourselves to be bigger & better than others, surely we’ll make it further, have more success, feel better & happy…right? Yet I have to come back to Jesus who taught that it is better to serve than to be served, better to turn the other cheek, better to love one another, and to extend grace & peace to others as both have been lavished upon us. And so today I considered the small things that I do daily that are the result of me trying to be that bigger & better person – a cutting remark, jumping in on conversations just to get my voice to be heard, the internal monologue of judgement over other people and comparison to myself. What would it be like to take the lower position and be content there? Not to be walked all over, but if I stop trying to trample over others, surely they won’t have to try to trample me right? Perhaps life would be a lot more peace-filled and I probably wouldn’t be so wounded by remarks or experiences with people I don’t even know like today. I'm going to try and be more aware of this - both how I treat others and how I respond to their treatment of me.

That was a random path of thoughts – hope if you made it this far it made a bit of sense!

In other news, the last few days in Kampala have been restful and productive. I was fully briefed on Monday about the job that needs to get done over the next 3 weeks in Kaabong. I’m still very excited to get up there and will fly out tomorrow morning! I also had the chance to see the Come, Let’s Dance team on Sunday afternoon and deliver some donations. Ian, Morgan & I went to one of the boarding schools for some of the kids they care for. It was wonderful to see those girl’s faces again! Shane & I got to hang out for a bit this afternoon in town, which was a great opportunity to catch up and talk a bit more about my return to work with them this fall! So good things all around – I’m thankful for these past few days and looking with hope upon the days to come.