Spring had sprung...

and evidently winter decided to finally show up after the fact...typical...

Faking out the flowers

Its a little known secret that Denver has the best weather ever. We have seasons, but our winter is relatively dry. People think that since people come here to ski, we must have heaps of snow all winter long. The truth is that the snow lives in the mountains...and Denver only gets some. So most weeks look like a day or two of chilly weather, maybe some snow. Then, the sky clears, the sun comes out and the snow melts! Then, we see a few days of temperatures as high as 70 degrees F! That's right, we have 300 sunshiny days a year on average. That's one reason I like it here so much. This past week we had days from the mid-50s to mid-70s. And of course, the flowers are getting very confused in the middle of February:

Birthday celebration

Friday night I celebrated my friend Jen's birthday! Here's a picture of her & I. She & I used to work together a Chinese Children Adoption International. We've both moved on from there, but have remained friends. I'm so thankful to be back in Denver to celebrate with her this year!

Living into my identity

The following is an excerpt from New Seeds of Contemplation by Thomas Merton. These words were first shared with me by my good friend, Brandi, while I was in my first month of living in Uganda. They brought peace to me as I struggled through trying to be what I thought others around me desired me to be. Since that time they have continued to bring me peace as I seek to live fully into who I am, to be content and confident in me and not in hiding behind the 'other' that so often is tempting to compare myself to or seek to be known as.

A tree gives glory to God by being a tree. For in being what God means it to be it is obeying Him. It "consents," so to speak, to His creative love. It is expressing an idea which is in God and which is not distinct from the essence of God, and therefore a tree imitates God by being a tree.
The more a tree is like itself, the more it is like Him. If it tried to be like something else which it was never intended to be, it would be less like God and therefore it would give Him less glory.
No two created beings are exactly alike. And their individuality is no imperfection. On the contrary, the perfection of each created thing is not merely in its conformity to an abstract type but in its own individual identity with itself. This particular tree will give glory to God by spreading out its roots in the earth and raising its branches into the air and the light in a way that no other tree before or after it ever did or will do...
Therefore each particular being, in its individuality, its concrete nature and entity, with all its own characteristics and its private qualities and its own inviolable identity, gives glory to God by being precisely what He wants it to be here and now, in the circumstances ordained for it by His Love and His infinite Art.

I'm thinking about it again now as I seek to re-discover and establish myself, my identity, my role, my place in my home, in Denver. I've noticed that my default position seems to be seeking to be whatever it might be that the people around me will love and be drawn to. Usually this means I'm trying to be something I'm not, or at least leaving out parts of myself that are integral to my identity. Creating a false self that is likable, or so I seem to believe.
This journey back to my previous life, after about 18 months away, has proven to be more challenging than I anticipated. The past four weeks have been a struggle. Yet I'm beginning to come out of a fog, the shock is wearing off & I feel as if I can see more clearly. I can see that I've begun to adapt to my surroundings, putting on the masks of perhaps who I used to be or even who it might be easier to deal with right now instead of letting me be me. Insecurities run deep and begin to surface - which is good to confront, but frustrating to realize I'm living under them rather than overcoming them.
Just some thoughts of where I'm at right now - hopefully on the upswing and at least today seeking to live fully into who I have been created to be - no more, no less.

Officially Employed!

Four days after arriving in Denver I was practically handed a job at a little community coffee shop in my neighborhood, just a few blocks from my house. The flexible hours of a barista is what I was really craving for this transition-time. I'm also working about 8 hours each week with my church, TNL. The chances to be working within my physical community as well as my church community are exactly what I was desiring, yet couldn't have made work if I tried! I feel very blessed and excited for this next season.

Take a look at the Wash Perk website when you have a chance - its a fun place!

Home

I left Kaabong on a Wednesday morning about a month ago. I waved goodbye to my friends and a land I called home for more than a year…then sailed away on the hopper plane, watching the beauty of Karamoja and its people fade in the distance. My heart was pretty heavy that morning, hence the ‘romantic’ lense I saw those last few moments through. I cried my way back to Kampala. I don’t know when I’ll ever make the trek back to that remote area of the world again. Not Uganda – I can get to Kampala quite easily (aside from funds), but back to Kaabong. It’s isolation makes it difficult to return to, therefore the faces of those I have come to love and know are already fading in my heart and mind.

The following Sunday I stepped onto my flight back to the US. I am happy to report a smooth journey, as my previous international flights were quite the stressful times for me. I found my heart being ever lighter as I flew toward ‘home’. The anticipation of seeing friends and family after 13 months of being on a whole other continent was thrilling. As I walked through the London airport, I kept saying to myself “I lived in Africa for a year!” Was that really my life that just happened? Did I truly just finish a time in my life that I’d been driving towards since college? Whoa, now what do I do? :)

Home is such a loaded word. Sometimes it refers to a house, sometimes to an area or land, but I think most of us, when we really hone it down, are talking about people when we think about home. Being ‘home’ now, I feel at a loss because part of my home is now in Uganda. The people who have played significant roles in my life, who have loved me and supported me through this past year, who have taught me how to live and laugh in the midst of trial are my home. I felt this while in Uganda, this longing for ‘home’ which at its essence was referring to my family, my friends, my community. Home is where the heart is – I believe that fully! And my heart is torn in two…

Brandi & Natalie picked me up at the Denver airport – after 36 hours without sleep it was necessary to keep me up a few more hours to adjust to the time. We had planned to eat at Jerusalem – my favorite Lebanese restaurant – that night, which we did. So great to see good friends & just bask in the physical presence of these people I love dearly!

The next two weeks were full of walks, coffee, great food, long conversations, and beautiful Colorado nature!

my first snow in 18 months!